Monday, 25 July 2011

Beginning to be grateful

My husband has been working. A lot. Now, I'm not used to him either going to work regularly, being offered overtime, let alone accepting it, enjoying his job, or being valued in his place of employment.

I thought I was being understanding. We need the money, so I understand he has to go to work. It doesn't make me any less irritated that he is again gone, overnight, on a job, in a hotel, for the next two days. But I understand he has to go. I caught myself thinking that old thought 'It would be so nice to just win the lottery'

In this new way of thinking.. I stopped and thought.. would it?

Would I appreciate my husband's hard work.. if he wasn't working?
Would I be thankful for the food on the table if it wasn't sacrificed for?
Would I admire my husband for providing, if it was all given to him?
Would I be able to sustain a marriage that didn't require teamwork?

Would I show pride for a lifestyle we didn't earn?

Maybe instead of wishing for the easy route, I should be more thankful for the present.

When he gets called away, we email chat like high school kids.
When he works late, we chat in the dark through sleepy eyes.
When he gets called on jobs, he feels good about himself, and projects his happiness unto others.

It is hard to have a partner whose job takes him away. It doesn't have to be easy, I'm allowed hard days, and I can want his help.This is really building a foundation that we weren't able to build for the last 5 years of our marriage. Every couple has to be their dues. We are kind of behind. It's like we stalled out at the blueprint stage, and we are just now pouring cement. So what? We are behind.. but we are now finally moving ahead.. and for the first time, we are both wearing the same colour helmet.

Friday, 15 July 2011

been a while

I haven't been to a 'good' meeting. One where you hear exactly what you needed to hear. It's true that maybe I haven't been really interested in listening lately. I have been busy, and this and that and the other tired excuse. Truth is, I've been faced with a lot of opportunity to use my tools, but not really to grow.

'..But we have lived a good life anyway'

This phrase can really put your life in perspective. Looking at your life, you can see that the little things are just that; Little.

We don't have a lot of money..
We don't drive a nice car..
I'm not the shape or size I would like to be..
My health could be better..
I'm not where I would like to be in my career..
                                                  ...But we live a good life anyway.

There is something to be said about taking responsibility for yours, and letting go of everyone elses. Everyone else's what? I don't think it really matters. If it isn't yours, and it doesn't matter what it is.. let it go. It will find its way to its owner. your HP and theirs as well will ensure it will.

is someone else negative? let it go. its not YOUR negativity.. let it go. When you aren't burdened with other people's whatever, you are better able to see your situation, and become grateful for what you have been given.

Monday, 4 July 2011

What happened?

When did our love for someone be measured in how much we do for them? It so often feels like we need to DO something for the people we love the most, in order for them to know we love them. I can understand that I am a people pleaser, but when did the little things I like to do, the little thoughtful bits and pieces throughout each day, become how my love is measured?

I make my husband lunch every day, for example. Is it because I want him to feel loved? Furthermore, does my husband need his wife to make his lunch, in order for him to feel the love she has for him? It's an interesting thought to think. You can't measure an emotion. When did we start trying?

When did love become not enough?

'Can you not feel my adoration of you?'  I seem to need to put myself out, inconvenience myself to prove my love for other people. I also feel that others need to see my tiring actions to ensure that I do, in fact, love them.

This is the most idiotic thing I think I have ever let happen.

The fact is, I started making my husband his lunch every day because I appreciate that he works hard, and I would like to show my appreciation by making sure he eats a nice lunch. I can have that appreciation for anyone, though. I could make a hundred lunches and deliver them to firemen and policemen, because I appreciate them too. Surely they wouldn't think I love them all.

I love my husband. I love my family. I am going to start showing my love in other ways... saying it, perhaps, feeling it more.

I think that I will be able to love them more, if I am not inconvenienced every single time I feel I have to show it. I don't think I'm very honest about my emotions.

And you know what? I think it's time I lead by example, and stop measuring other people's love in how much they do for me.

This is how i will lovingly detach from the people who need it most. Give them less of my time and energy, and give them more of my love.