Saturday, 30 April 2011

faith in attraction

At what point do you have faith that the positivity you bring for your life will pull you to make a positive, healthy choice when give a really hard choice to make? Is there a point when the law of attraction applies and you give in to the pull of positivity, or negativity? I wonder, when do you let go and allow the world to fall into place, and when you have to take an active part in controlling your own destiny? Are those two even mutually exclusive ideas? ponder, ponder..

Friday, 29 April 2011

Who is this 'God', anyway..

The second step, is 'came to believe that a higher power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity'

Being not of a religious background, I had to do some research, and speaking with other members of Al-anon. I know what I believe. I just don't know what that means, exactly..

There is no heaven or hell in my spirituality, despite what I scream out when I'm angry. The way I see it, as humans, we set forth on our travels making good and bad choices, and it's those choices we make that dictate how the world treats us. That I'm pretty certain of. So, this means I know that there is something out there giving me choices to make. To be positive, to live positive and make choices that represent the positivity, will bring about positivity in my life, and more choices that will bring about even more good in myself, my life, and the world in general.

I think I trust that if I continue to make good choices, the positive energy will lead back to a sane place in myself. Perfect.

I can handle this step. This is not god at all for me, lets for the sake of this journey call the 'Higher Powers that be' HP. And you know what else? I don't need your 'God' if my HP is doing the same kind of things.. and I can DEFINITELY live with that idea.

Thursday, 28 April 2011

step 1

Yes. I suppose alcohol has made my life unmanageable. I'm not sure when that person's alcoholism started effecting me, making me this crazy, but I know I'm crazy enough to need help. I'm having a hard time looking back, trying to find exactly where I let sanity go; When did I let the standards of how a wife should be treated slip so low? When did I allow my ideals of marriage to be changed so I could rationalize staying with him. Furthermore, how I can trust my own self anymore? Are my wants really things that are in my best interest? Are the things I long for still healthy to want?

Maybe all I can do is work on myself for myself, and the way will be made clear.