I wanted him to coach the team. I NEEDED him to coach the team. I needed my alcoholic to do something.. anything.. that fell in line with the perfect family I had built in my mind. I already didn't have a picket fence. I already didn't have the the easy life I wanted. My husband was an alcoholic. To make up for this fault in character.. he was going to be our sons soccer coach.
I'm sure the faults in this logic is already visible.
He was reluctant. He didn't want to coach. He SAID he didn't want to coach. He didn't want the commitment. He SAID he didn't want the commitment. Luckily for me, though, I have guilt driven puppy eyes and convincing please about bettering ones self.
I did my best to do the work. I love doing this type of work. I love to organize, I love to sort and plan. I love being told I do a great job at sorting and planning.
He wouldn't make a phone call. How DARE he not make a phone call. I sit and do all this work and build rapport with the teams' parents and phone/email/text all the changes. I keep the other coaches informed, and take the constant extra work load from the other coaches' incompetence. How DARE he not make one ten minute phone call. He's the coach!!!
"He SAID he didn't want to coach."
"Hello, Bella. Its me, you're conscious mind. What did you expect? You can't make him do something he doesn't want to do. You can sign him up, and you can do all the work, but you can't MAKE him WANT to do anything. This is your lesson, Bella, to leave him to his own life. Husband, alcoholic, father, character you want him to play in your ideal life or not. If you wanted to coach the team, you should have volunteered your damn self. You don't want to coach either, you want the prestige of BEING a coach. Get your head out of your ass."
ok fine. Maybe AFG is teaching me something afterall.