learning

I'm learning a lot about myself. I'm learning that a lot of my sick behavior was nurtured into me long before i met my alcoholic. I'm seeing a lot of my imperfections.

last night at my meeting i heard 'I ask my god to allow each day to unfold as it should, and not how I would like it to'

wow. what a statement.

Who do I think I am, to demand the universe to change its course to my liking?

stuck today.

If the world isn't out to get me.. why am I taking all these misfortunes so personally?

hmm.

Why shouldn't I be leary of allowing something else have control of my life? no wonder I'm having issues with step 3.

If I've never allowed anything to have any control, how can I trust that they will do it right, that it will be done properly?


I'm going about it the wrong way.. by giving up small bits of my control at a time, I can develop a trust with my HP. Much like the trust I have time and time again built and had destroyed by my alcoholic.

little by little, I can learn to move through step three.

Easy does it.

doubt

“Doubt is not the opposite of faith; it is one element of faith”

makes me think im in the right place.

fear

I'm scared. Thats all.  i hope my choices are positive. Hope and faith are often found in the same sentences..